14 Dating Rules for Christian Teens
Christians like to live their lives as Jesus would, so how does a Christain teen go about dating? For some help with rules and guidelines for dating as a Christain, read below!
1. When is it Appropriate to Date?
Whenever you feel ready for dating, that is a good time to start considering this new part of life. You can counsel with your parents and see what their thoughts are. Typically, the best time is when you have some more independence in your high school years.
Going on dates is much easier when you have a license and can drive to and from the date. Which is a milestone that occurs in high school. So, start considering it as a teenager and see if your parents have rules or guidelines surrounding that topic.
2. Choose Someone Who Has The Same Values
Something you can look out for as a Christian is choosing someone who is also Christian or someone who has the same values as you. It may feel like your pickings are slim with how wild the state of the world has gotten, but in church or at school you will find people who are Christan, or who are simply nice people who will respect you.
Something important to remember is that not every Christain is a good person, and not every good person is Christain. This doesn’t mean you should or shouldn’t date non-Christians, but you don’t need to count them out (depending on your personal views on this).
One date doesn’t mean you are going to get married the next day, so don’t make out a simple fun date to be a bigger deal than it is. Make sure your parents know the person you are going out with, and if they are comfortable with it then you should not have to worry about the future. Think in the here and now, not in years down the line.
3. Go On Group Dates
Group dates are great for dating in your teen years, and they are great for when you start dating. A group date works out great with 2-3 couples, which is 4-6 people. Any more couples and it is no longer a date, rather it has become a hangout. A group date is going to consist of a planned activity that allows everyone to get to know each other, but with an emphasis on getting to know the person you are coupled up with.
Group dates are also safe, which is great for parents and teens. It is less stressful and you can do more activities that require some friendly competition. Go bowling, go mini-golfing, go on a small hike, go to a school event go to a dance, simply go on the date enjoying the person and the activity! You will come home with a smile on your face.
4. Do Dates That are Appropriate and Fun
The point of dating in your teens is to get to know someone and have fun. You learn to be with someone of the opposite sex in a setting outside church and school, and you learn how to build those relationships. You will also learn more about what you want and don’t want in your future husband or wife, so it is really a time to not take things too seriously and to enjoy the process.
There are dates that are ranked as good, better, and best, so as you plan out a date or decide on a date think about if it is a good date, a better date, or the best date you could plan. Some dates to avoid are going out to the movies. This is a common and easy date, but you don’t get to know someone in this setting, so try to come up with dates that include an activity and talking.
5. Cheap and Friendly Date Ideas
Now, if you are going on a date, you will need a place to go and something to do. So, some helpful tips for planning are to keep it cheap, you do not need to spend a lot of money on a date. You can make it planned around an activity, that will help give you two something to talk about and do. For some ideas with these parameters, look below.
- Bowling
- Hiking
- Roller Skating
- Bike Riding
- Picnic
- Lunch Date (grab food)
- Dinner Date
- Fruit Picking
- Attend a City Event
6. Stay True to your Beliefs
You should not have to lower your standards for someone else. Do not let yourself be persuaded to fall away from your beliefs or to go past your boundaries. If you do not want physical touch, don’t let someone convince you it’s not that bad. You get to set your boundaries for holding hands, hugging, and when a kiss is appropriate. When you go about dating the way Jesus Christ would be proud of, then you are ways in the right and He can help you protect your personal boundaries.
7. Proper Hygiene!
This one is not just about making sure you shower before a date, but for those of you getting into dating it can be hard to know what kind of outfits, makeup, cologne, or perfume is appropriate for a date. So, firstly, make sure you are showered, you do your hair nice (you don’t need to take hours to get ready), and you are presentable in looks and in smells. Then, you can plan our outfit according to your date.
If you are going on a hike, your outfit is different than if you are going out for food. So, use that information to help guide you and wear something nice, cute, and flattering, but it does not have to be overly fancy.
For instance, you don’t have to wear a dress or a suit, wear something casual and nice. With makeup, keep it simple. Do your normal amount or a little more (like if you don’t wear foundation day to day but you want to for a date). You will feel more comfortable if you keep your makeup look similar to what you typically wear.
8. Respect Parents
Parents will want to meet and know the person you are going on a date with, so respect that. They want to look out for you, so don’t feel embarrassed by this, instead, embrace the fact that your parents want to take this effort to make sure you are safe and taken care of while you’re dating. As teens, we often find ways to dislike the ways our parents do things for us, but looking at it from their perspective can help. If your parents want to know where you are at, let them. Keep that line of communication open.
9. Curfew and Honesty
Your parents need to trust you, and in return, you need to trust your parents. When you let your parents in on what is going on then you are showing them that you love them and trust them so you are going to make an effort to inform them of your plans. In return, your parents need to exercise some faith in you and allow you to develop more trust by letting you go out and enjoy the plans you make.
Your parents should be allowed to critique your plans. This is not to make you feel like you are not in control, but rather to help you see a bigger picture of your plans in case you have some holes unaccounted for. Your parents likely have a curfew for you, and that is important. Listen to curfew, and don’t make excuses for being late.
If another person was driving you around and did not respect your curfew then you should be honest with your parents and ask them how you can reinforce your curfew with friends. Your friends and people you will date need to respect you and your parents, if they cannot listen to your curfew then they are saying they are more important than you, your relationship with your parents, your parents, and their relationship with you.
10. Communication
Communicating is so important. You will have trial and error with how to communicate with the people you go on dates with, and even when you are married you will work on your communication. But, what is more important as a teen is communicating with your parents.
Make sure you can talk to your parents, even when you mess up. If you are able to communicate with your parents in a way that lets them and you feel heard and understood, then that is great. Life is made up of phases that require adjustments going into and coming out of those phases.
When parents become empty nesters they will have to adjust to that, and similarly, you will have you adjust to your parents raising a teenager. Your parents might be in uncharted territory, so give each other room to learn and grow in these new waters and communicate about it.
11. Use Your Head and Your Heart
It is really fun to date. The chemicals in our brains get going and it makes us excited and nervous, but we can easily start to lose our head and lead with our heart. This feels great, and the dating scene helps us to feel good about our appearance and helps us boost our self-esteem. But we can forget to keep our head engaged in the dating game, which can leave us hurt in the end.
To keep your head and your heart both engaged, make sure you don’t advance your commitment before you know them. It is easy to assume that you know them, but it is also easy to be shocked by how much you don’t know a person.
So by actively looking out and judging for yourself if you like or dislike certain things, then you can choose to keep your heart in the game. Your heart will help your head take chances, and your head will help your heart see things that we can become blind to as we feel infatuated with a person.
12. Avoid Too Much Alone Time
As a teen, you have so much that you could be doing. Choosing to spend that time with someone special and kind is not bad, but spending too much time can advance your relationship to a level of commitment that you do not need. In your high school years you are not looking at people you are dating with the intent to marry them, rather you are looking at them with the intent of learning what you like and dislike in relationships.
You need to spend the appropriate amount of time per week with that person, and you need to check-in and evaluate if you are starting to lose friends because you are only hanging out with one person. Make sure to use your head and your heart in this process!
13. Set Boundaries
Before you date, understand what boundaries your parents have for you to listen to. These might be rules about dating in general, but they also can be things pertaining to your personal boundaries. After you see what your parents say, set your own boundaries. You should develop safe boundaries for yourself before you date and then enforce them throughout your dating life as needed.
You should think of boundaries pertaining to when you should hold hands, what type of physical contact you’re comfortable with, what type of information are you okay sharing at the different levels of a relationship, how long you want to wait before making a relationship official, when is a kiss okay, and more. There are many things to think about, and some you will create as you go throughout the dating process.
14. Include Jesus Christ
This does not mean you should talk about and worship Jesus Christ together all of the time. In fact, that should be somewhat discouraged to an extent because your relationship with Jesus should be personal, not about you and another person. Rather, it means that you personally need to keep your communication open with Him.
You should continue to pray and tell Him about your experiences. Keeping Christ in the loop of what is going on in your life can grow your spiritual relationship with Him. And as you get closer to the Lord, you will hear promptings about whether you are going about things right or wrong, and you can save yourself from unnecessary heartache.